Two Things

The first: the reason why fast food is so successful, I think, is drive-ups. When you have kids, and you're driving around town, and you see them sound asleep after they've been grumpy all day, the last thing you want to do is drag them out of the car into someplace to buy dinner. So if you can drive up and have someone pass it to you through your window, that is worth its weight in gold. Seriously. If more places had drive ups, I am sure I would use them. Drive up grocery stores, where you put in your order online & you can pick it up... drive up fancy food. I wish.

The other: if you have twins on the way, the first and most important piece of advice I would give to you is this: If there is any way you can afford it, hire someone to come in a few hours a day to help you. Even if you have a mom or sister or best friend who says they'll help out, it's better to have someone whose job it is to come in and watch your babies for you while you take a shower, or fold laundry, or take a long nap. Especially in the first few crazy months when you might not get any sleep at night. Because your mom, or sister, or whoever else does it for free, will want to go home. And will want to stop after a couple of weeks.

Get someone who has similar parenting skills to you if you can. An older college student who would otherwise have to work at a crappy minimum wage job would be really good. You'll be there for the really crazy times, but you can rest and have a little bit of time for yourself.

I did not do this at first. My mother-in-law came in for the first week or so, but she wasn't the kind of help I get from my friend who comes in now. And I still felt obligated to entertain her for some reason, so it didn't seem right to take a nap or shower while she was here. And the reason someone comes in now is that I'm supposed to work every day on my dissertation, which I do. But I usually take at least an hour in the morning to get showered, and dressed, and make myself a cup of coffee. It's really really incredible how regenerating it is to have her in the living room, so I know I can take a little longer to shave my legs or just stand under the heat of the massaging shower head. Even when Andrew is here I don't usually get that, because I feel I have to hurry out to help him. And P., my baby nanny, is great. The babies both light up when she comes in, and she's a great friend. And it happens to help her out with money while she's in college, and she doesn't have to work a crappy commission sales job. Sometimes she feels guilty cause both babies will be asleep & she can sit on the couch and watch TV (I've gotten her hooked on Buffy!) or play with her laptop. But the simple fact that she is here so that I can write, and I have written lots since we hired her about three months ago, is incredible. And the gift of long morning showers. I cannot even begin to tell you if you haven't had it happen how much a shower becomes a luxury after you have two babies. I assume it's similar with one-- there's a period when naps don't last long enough to get everything done. But with two? It's absolutely essential.

This is the best advice I have. I tried hiring a maid to clean my house, but having a person watch the babies while I clean is so much better because I hated the way the maid cleaned, and I was paying her, and yet she wouldn't listen to my requests on how to clean something. So the money is so much more worth it to hire a nanny/babysitter/friend for a few hours a day.

Anyway. I thought about this today as I drove to Whole Foods to get some stuff they didn't have anymore... and I have more, but I need to pay attention to my sweet babies who have been tolerantly cruising around in their walkers and eating their new maple teether biscuits.