Outlaw Women Hit San Antonio!! Reward For Capture!!

The three banditas were lovely beyond words. Known only as La Vampira, Senora Rica, and Manda la Hermosa, they rode into San Antonio one Sunday we will never forget. La Vampira was a dark, exotic beauty with luscious red lips-- rumor has it she cannot live during the day without her magic golden "ear bobs," given to her by a famous Transylvanian Prince on their wedding night. She rides ceaselessly to avenge his brutal slaying at the hands of the deadly Jesuit vampire hunter, El Perskio. She believes if she avenges her Prince's death, his spirit will rise to take perfect human form again, and their love will last forever. Senorita Rica, with her blond curls and sparkling blue eyes, loves the taste of tequila and will shoot you on sight if you break her rule of talking business "after five." She only has eyes for her lover, the dashing Senor Broculi from New Mexico, but her sharp temper is legendary-- and she might just crack that bullwhip if you step out of line. Manda la Hermosa is the group's business-leader--she may not have a head for math, but she can add up the gold the trio has stolen from the banks of every unfair jefe malvado west of the Mississippi with no trouble.

The word on the street had it that it was Manda's idea to visit fair San Antonio on the springlike day in January. With its clear blue sky and warm temperatures, it was no wonder the three former saloon girls turned bandita would seek to have some refreshing lemonade at the new saloon run by the recent Irish immigrant, Mr. Pat O'Brian, after shopping for new blankets for their faithful horses, and some face creams from the local curanderas. Just outside the Alamo, they had a brush with a lawman who failed to recognize them; dazzled as he was by their beauty, all he said was "ladies." I saw them myself as they posed for newfangled pictures, holding their weapons of choice and displaying some of their cash. The rumor that they cheat at cards is surely an unfounded lie spread by detractors jealous of their beauty. They ride shoeless in honor of the legendary Amazons, who are said to have fought their many enemies while barefooted.

It was truly a shame that just after they took these lovely photos, the sheriff of our fair River City came and trapped them in a horse corral. For forty minutes they fought to escape, mingling in a small stampede of various other riders drawn out by lovely weather. La Vampira bolted first-- escaping into a yellow buggy as she vowed to see her partners in crime later. The other two hid out for a while somewhere on the river before throwing the sheriff off their trail and escaping on Rica's gold-toned horse, named Saturn, after the Roman god of war. They rode out, singing "Yellow Rose of Texas" and dreaming of the day when their independent spirit and beauty would no longer label them outlaws. Surely no one would claim the $25,000 dollars in gold coin which is the reward for their capture-- but it would be a lucky man indeed who spotted them and lived to tell the tale.