Monday, May 31, 2004

101 degrees?

Did you know that if you have the "Weather Bug" program on your computer, if the temp goes above 100 degrees, the temp indicator in your little toolbar goes RED?

Well it does. And it is DAMN HOT out here. Summer sort of snuck up on us in Texas this year, with it staying really cool & rainy & nice for a long time. But this weekend, it is here with a true vengeance. And the temp is sitting in the corner of the computer glaring red at us. So feel sorry for me, unless of course, wherever you are is worse. Then I truly have sympathy for you.

Is it Monday, or Sunday?

Three day weekends just screw up my equilibrium. It feels like Sunday, yet it's Monday, and then the rest of the week is weird too. Even with me not "working" outside the house, tomorrow will feel like Monday and so forth. Pooey. Today is another BBQ day-- this time @ a friend's house instead of over here at our place. So aside from reading some of my new book (Bitten, which so far is pretty good-- if a little too heavy on the "oh, please, I don't want to be a werewolf" angst) I will work out, make a pasta salad of some sort to take to D&J's house, and then just socialize. I have work to do, you know, but as I get older, it becomes less easy to get things done. There's just too much loafing possibility in a day, you know? And if I do too much, my newly painted fingernails will smudge. And that, dear friends, really chafes my arse.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

A little Absolut Home Improvement

Did I mention that if you have a husband putting up a light fixture, even with a generous and helpful (not at all sarcastic) neighbor's help, adding 1/2 shot of Vanilla Vodka to a latte and drinking said latte while being asked your opinion on a light fixture arrangement that you don't have an opinion on, but husband has deifinate preferences for IS A GOOD IDEA?

Yeah. I thought I might have mentioned that.

Is My Duty Done?

I wonder-- if my husband is trying to install the cool new halogen track lighting system, and wants me to help him figure out which is wire "L" and which is wire "N", and I call my neighbor and ask him to come over an help, in exchange for a beer or two, does that mean that I've done the wifely duty? Cause I know enough to know I am not a qualified electrician (nor is my spouse-- but he is a male, so figures that is qualification enough). But NOT having a Y chromosome guarantees that I know when to call someone else to help.

However, perhaps having two males who know less about it than they think they do will be a bad idea. We'll see. I do have the speed dial all set for "911."

On another note, we watched Bubba Ho-Tep last night. It is definitely a "must watch" if you like "quirky" movies. I liked it a lot, and pat myself on the back for movie night choices. (They were all out of Pitch Black.)

Saturday, May 29, 2004

New Words & My Shameless Cat Pix

I recently had someone send me this email, which I won't reproduce in its entirety, but it's got some funny "new words" which I think are sort of cool. The ones I really like are:
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
404: Someone who's clueless. (From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.)

I can really relate to the "mouse potato" one-- sometimes, it seems that you can just kill sooooo much time mousing around the internet, looking at say, cute Hallmark card characters, or reading hours and hours of Get Fuzzy cartoon strips. (I really love Bucky the cat, who sort of reminds me of a friend's cat, Hao Tze).

Anyway. I read on Debra Gallant's blog that a good way to get shameless traffic directed to your blog is to post cat pictures. So here is my shameless attempt to sucker people in: Tituba, eating dinner and looking slightly annoyed that I'm disturbing her. I feel like such paparazzi!



Then, there's a picture that I took at my LakeFest party (about two weeks ago) that I really like. In it, everyone is doing something slightly "odd." See what I mean?


You sort of have to examine the picture closely to pick out the oddness. I didn't announce the photo op, so it's not posed. And the only really "odd" thing about the hug in the center is that it was sort of in the middle of a fast dance song, and they apparently spontaneously hugged. So. And the blonde girl's knee position is the odd part of hers-- and then, despite the look on his face, the guy in the front is NOT mentally challenged. (Well. Not in any "official" way.)

Maybe I'll post more party pictures eventually. (See. Now I even go with a cliffhanger. I'm just smokin' today).

After a good hard-core bike ride with my cool workout mix CD (mentioned earlier as the lawn mowing mix), there is a lasagna in the future, and some bruschetta, and wine, and maybe a big giant yummy salad. I think we're also going to watch the movie Pitch Black--since I never got around to seeing it, and it looks okay, and its sequel, coming out soon (Riddick) looks sort of potetial-ish. So that's Saturday in my world. It's no party-girl Sex in the City esque romp. But it'll do for me.

Friday, May 28, 2004

This is too much to not mention

OH WOW! IF you have Rhapsody, totally do a search for the Arnold Schwarzenegger Total Body Workout album. It includes Arnold talking through the music taking you through a workout to songs such as:
1. Save The Overtime For Me
2. Don't Stop Believin'
3. 867-5309/Jenny
4. Let Your Body Rock
5. Love Not War
6. Think I'm In Love
7. I'm So Proud
8. Save The Overtime For Me
9. It's Raining Men
10. Let Your Body Rock
11. Love Not War
12. Burning For You
13. I'm So Proud


Amazon's version has a few short clips. But you totally have to hear this.

I "Heart" Conan* O'Brian

I don't know why it is. It must be the Irish DNA or something-- but I really think Conan is cute! Even though logically, there is no reason to think so. He's not Brad Pitt, or anything one could traditionally call cute. He also looks just like all the red-headed boys who used to make fun of me as I was a little girl. (For some reason, there are a lot of them in my past-- tormenting me for one reason or another. Ironically, I ended up married to one of them but that's another story). So I just got done watching the early morning "Late Night" that is on Comedy Central. Now it's time to clean my messy house.

Bellydance? Anyone?

But, in the meantime, I had promised a long time ago to post a picture of myself in my new bellydance costume. I finally got the pix from Sam's yesterday, and will post a picture. It's the only one I got, and it was stupidly AFTER I danced for an hour so my hair is all messed up. So it's not the best photo at all, but it's alls I got right now. When my bellydance teacher gets back from her summer vacation, I hope to get her to take some studio photos-- she's a great photographer. But here I am. The top is a little off-kilter-- when I tried for the "s curve" body pose, it wiggled over, and you get that big black underneath top part. I've figured out how to fix that since then. :) Click for a larger version.


*hee hee. spellcheck wants to change Conan to "cowman." Oh spellcheck, you silly kidder.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Creepy Much?

Okay. For two weeks (till June 9th-ish) there will be this talking animated Kim at the Bud Light "Making Faces" site.

I have to say I find it both really cool and a bit creepy. Make some of yourself and you'll see what I mean. Look at that gleam in my eye! Hear me sounding like a computer! Wonder why I spent so much time perfecting it! And why my lips are a little squeezed....

Who thought this thing up?

Plans for Today

At some point, I will have to make it to the gym for exercise today. Andrew is definitely going to force me into a joint bike ride/jog this afternoon, and I ought to go to the 11:00 aerobics class. But my main plan for today is to get my women writers site finished and posted. One project, a joint interview between three blogs and myself, will probably not be done today, but the rest can be almost ready. I just really dread reading the poetry that has been submitted because so much of it is terrible and I hate rejecting the sensitive types who send it in, but no frickin' way am I posting some of that poetry. ::Shivers at thought of bad poetry::

Look around; I've added a few new features to the blog-- a list of my favorite "archived" blogs, as well as a new set of daily rotating banner graphics. When I say I procrastinate, I mean it, dammit.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Or wherever your travels may take you--

Landing in Dallas:Looking out as the plane hovers closer and closer to the ground at the layers of spotty clouds around us. There is a sheet of rain just to the left of the plane that literally falls in a wedge to the ground, plastering one area of town while the rest seems clear. Once we get there, the runway and parking lots near the airport are slick with rainwater, but no drops are falling. As we pass over a lake, we can see tiny white specks of birds against the blue green of the water and whitecaps appearing briefly and then gone. You wouldn't think you could see the birds from so far up, but there they are, and you can make out the pattern of flight as they swoop and fall on wind currents, using the same principals of flight that keep your small airplane afloat.

A perfect circle of a little neighborhood, white streets etched into the green grass around, and a "t" of a cross street dissecting the circle. Matchbox cars, trucks, a big trailer park-- they are so tiny as to not look real, but you imagine the people still sleeping (it is very early in the morning, still, and you've been up for hours) or moving about their morning routine groggily.

For just a second, a single spear of lightning pierces the layer of rain to the left of the plane. It is far enough away to be unthreatening to your tiny plane, but startling in its vivid white line.

As I looked out the window as we began to come nearer to the ground, gravity starting to feel stronger and pull the engines into a higher pitch, I spotted a marquee digital sign, seemingly far away from the huge parking lot where it sat, and it flashed a message, readable from the air, saying "Welcome Back." It almost was speaking to me, I felt-- like that magic traffic advisory sign in the movie L.A. Story and I couldn't help but smile and feel personally welcomed. After four days with my very "smoker" oriented family, and me a very "non-smoker", I am happy to be "almost back" because the cigarette smoke still clings to my hair, and clothes, and I can't wait to be smoke free again. They are considerate, and try to limit the cigarettes when I am in an enclosed spaces with them, but it still makes my head pound to be there.

There were guys on the early morning plane, a small one with probably about 20 seats, tops, who were snotty and thought it was very funny to mock the flight attendant's safety briefing. They had tons of luggage clustered around their feet and she told them they had to move these bags because the row must be clear. They acted like they couldn't wait the five minutes (tops) it takes to get one's bags at the planeside and it was such an inconvenience to put their bags somewhere other than at their feet. To me, it is much more uncomfortable to sit for an hour and a half with one's feet on one's luggage, and I hate trying to wrestle my carry on in and out of the overhead bins. But these guys thought they were the cleverest fellas in history-- mocking the info about how to fasten the seatbelts and how the drop down oxygen system would work. Of course we all know how to use a seatbelt, idiots. But the briefing is there because in a survivable emergency, the only things you're going to remember are those things that are so drilled into your head that it is rote memory that you perform the actions that save your life. It's like people who crash into bodies of water (like a lake) in their car and die because they can't get out-- only because they forget to remove their seatbelts in their panic.

But then there was the friendly older gentleman, leaning against a short wall, and when I got to the gate, a little rushed and needing breakfast, to find that I had plenty of time cause the plane was not loading yet after all, who smiled and said in his gruff voice "It's like the Army; hurry up and wait."

And the simple joy of getting a strawberry yogurt layered with granola and fresh fruit to take with me on the flight. And a cup of fresh morning coffee with two Splendas and two half n halfs.

Watching the hopping brown sparrows with nests in the eaves of the airport who swoop at the windows and peck the ground near the planes, to be chased off by harried baggage handlers. Original aviators who like the airport as home instead of the green of a suburban tree bank.

The pretty, constantly smiling flight attendant, with short curly hair and chocolate smooth skin, who could have been a model and seemed genuinely happy to be there and whose eyes crinkled each time she spoke-- true joy in life that is so much more genuine than the sarcastic mocking of the (earlier mentioned) passengers from the seat behind.

The crankiness and constantly loud phone conversation of a pair of businessmen near the back of the plane who can't even take 35 minutes of flight between Dallas and San Antonio to rest and think of things other than the meeting ahead.

Most of all, the pleasure in Andrew's voice that I was already almost home when I called him from my seat (2C).


Glad to be home, and having traveled too much lately-- the novelty of constant flight is worn a little thin, and the same time that I can still find something new and interesting each time.

Monday, May 24, 2004

New Orleans Stuff

We went to New Orleans for a while today-- my sister had a job interview & I went along for road trip company. It's sort of funny to go to New Orleans and not do anything wild. Our big wildest moment was having cajun food at the Riverwalk Mall. Wooooh!!! Lots of walking back and forth between the two nice hotels she might work at eventually. It was really hot & muggy, and it's very different when you can't retire to your hotel room & a comfy bed for the afternoon lull. Or you can't carry around a gallon of frozen beverage while walking around.

So tomorrow, I'm on my way home. I shouldn't have too much trouble getting a flight-- and I'll be home by 1-ish. That, however, means I have to be at the airport at about 5:45. Blech. So while you're nestled in your own comfy beds in the morning, perhaps getting up temporarily for a visit to the porcelain fairies, think kindly of me sitting on a cramped airplane on my way home. I'll wave as I go over your houses....

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Update

What did Kim do today in sunny sunny Florida?

Went to the beach with my sister.
Rented one of those "beach chairs" with the comfy cushions & an umbrella stand from two cute pre-cabana boys (remind me to tell you one day about my cabana boy plan)
drank 2 Bushwackers (remind me to tell you about Bushwackers-- the frozen tasty beverage)
bought a cute sarong thingy to wear around my bikini biker shorts
ate at this cool seafood place; fed some crab claws to this cute cute raccoon who came begging
got a nice bit of freckly sun on my nose and shoulders
am about to take an after sun nap


That's about it. Headed to New Orleans tomorrow. Yes. We'll see if it means "getting home" or "another day of shenanigans."

Sunny Florida

I'm in Florida. What What What? "How did that happen?," you say. Well, the plan was to go to Mississippi for my niece's high school graduation, then blast out of there this morning back home to Texas. Well, the airline decided not to cooperate with my fabulous plans. Actually, it's not so much the airline as all the inexplicably flying around on the airline on a weekday people who are sitting in seats that ought to be reserved for my lazy butt. Why are all you folks in the cities I want to get out of?!? So, not being able to get on any of the flights I wanted to get on, I went with my sister to Florida, where I am now tippity typing away, needing a coffee & some breakfast (she's not a big cook and is on a grocery shopping strike and a cleaning strike too.....). She does, however, have the generosity to loan me her car to go GET said coffee and breakfast but I am apparently on a "I'm too damn lazy to move" strike.

So. It's a quandary. A quagmire, shall we say.

I predict being home maybe tomorrow. Andrew wants me home, and I really have stuff to do, but there is the beach. "That is an existential dilemma," you say? Yes. Yes it is.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Supermodel's Black Eye All Better

My poor little sportycar is fixed-- her boo boo on the back driver's side from the accident is painted & buffed & you can barely tell that there was an accident of bizarre proportions. The tail light still has a tiny nick in the corner-- and she's wiser about who she hangs out with now and puts on "the break" in relationships with big white pickup trucks now. :) (Sorry. The metaphor just kept going). Whodathunkit that my cute navy blue suit that cost 20 bucks, that was the reason I was at the shopping center in the first place would end up costing me about 700 bucks? Sigh.

On another note-- I'm headed to pick up photos from the past month-ish. I really need to take my digital camera into the shop. Oneathesedays. But maybe later you'll get a photo essay "what Kim's been up to lately-- a picture is worth a thousand blogs".

For yet another-- I'm working on a project for my women writers zine interviewing a couple of bloggers. I haven't decided who all I want to work on, or what questions I'm going to ask. I want to talk to a couple of bloggers I read regularly who specifically center their blogs on feminism in some way. It's a project that could be very big-- really, one could probably do a whole dissertation on it-- but this will just be a short (ish) article. It ought to be interesting.

But off to work and cruise around in my green sportscar and blast music too loud. I think maybe some "Lil' Kim" would be great. (Man, putting her name in the blog is going to get me some more weird search hits....)

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Start Spreadin' the News

Two of my best friends are heading for New York City today. They are "in flight" right now. This morning (at a gaspingly early 5:30 AM!) I took them to the airport. Aaron looked all "meterosexual" in his nice black silk shirt & khaki pants, and of course, Nissa always looks loverly. So if you see them, and you're a New Yorker, say "Hi from Kim." I got them doughnuts from Krispy Kreme-- they have a New York Cheesecake flavor-- on the way to take them to the airport, in a vain attempt to boost the cool factor of my souvenir. They'll think "wow, this ::insert coolest souvenir ever:: is a little more than I was going to pay, but then, she DID bring us those doughnuts." Mwah ha ha ha ha. My evil plan is in play. And, like a true evil genius, I have revealed it way too soon and now will probably get a snow globe of Donald Trump's haircut. (But then, what if that's what I want? Hmmmmm?) One thing I'm secretly hoping for is the Tiffany's Guide to Table Manners for Teens (in a blue Tiffany's bag, of course!!) But then, I'm not sure they're going to the holy of holies while there. I know I'm not a teen, but I love this book.

Back to the old grind on the Women Writers Summer Issue. It's about halfway done now. Yay! I rock the house man. I'll obviously tell you when all the new book reviews & stuff are posted. But you can look at it now, too. It's cool. Yeah. But then, maybe you're not ready for it... (more reverse psychology.... how I love my evil ways.... don't let the mere 29% evil score in the sidebar fool you).



Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Comments Changed (AGAIN!)

Okay. I believe I now have Haloscan's comments fixed and added to my blog again. I left the "blogger enabled" comments on those entries that had them (last week-ish till today) so there might be some temporary confusion on how to comment. But from this post on, it should be clear where to do it. (I said do it. HuhHuh. Huh. Huh.)

Get Your Lawn On

Wanna know the ultimate, cardio fabulous mix for lawn mowing and getting a cardio vascular heart-pumped workout? As a trained fitness professional, I am here to give you the "skinny". :)

This mix works you out great if you:Don't give a crap what your neighbors think and dance while mowing whenever the mood strikes. Seriously. Dance. Wiggle your butt while lawn mowing.
Push the mower as fast as you possibly can, with as few stops as possible.
Sing along (or at least quietly lip sinc the words as they go). This last step increases your cardio vascular impact significantly, so if you don't know the songs, learn them.

Here is the Mix, direct from me to you.

  1. Come Baby Come-- K7
  2. White Wedding-- Billy Idol
  3. Superfreak-- Rick James
  4. Push It-- Salt N Pepa
  5. Bitch-- Meredith Brooks
  6. Housequake-- Prince (from the Sign O' the Times album)*
  7. Blister in the Sun-- Violent Femmes
  8. Celebrity Skin-- Hole
  9. Wild Horses-- The Sundays
  10. 99 Red Balloons-- Goldfinger (important to get this version, not Nena's-- Goldfinger rocks it more)
  11. Banditos-- The Refreshments
  12. You Dropped a Bomb on Me-- The Gap Band
  13. My Adidas-- Run DMC
  14. In Da Club-- 50 Cent
  15. Goin Back to Cali-- LL Cool J (Ladies Love Cool J!)
  16. Musicology-- Prince
  17. Brick House-- The Commodores
  18. Volcano Girl-- Veruca Salt
  19. My Sharona--The Knack

The only bad things are when your "earbud" headphones fall out of your ears. Or you can't figure out how to use your husband's damn gas powered edger. Or when a big giant spider, fleeing the mower, freaks and almost jumps on you, causing you to choke the lawnmower and lose your grove.

The good things: you will be majorly sweaty if your lawn is as big as mine is (not really all that big). I was "done" with the lawn part by My Adidas-- and the rest is the "edger mix".

This mix could, of course, be applied to other tasks. It's a really groovin' list, right here for you in our studios tonight.


*Amazing spellchecker adventures here: how does blogger spell check NOT have the word Blog in it, but does have "hoosegow"-- which it suggested instead of Housequake? Hmmm?

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Laptop Schemes

Do you think I can convince my husband that the cat was the culprit, if I go out to Sam's, buy a brand new cool ass laptop for myself, and then say "I dunno where it came from, but you think you can trust your cat...." (play track 7)

A new laptop would be so wonderful. Since my old one will no longer charge its battery back up and so is not really a "laptop" in the portable sense. I have to be near a plug to let it work.

Just a thought. If you have ideas of how to convince the hubby IT'S TIME, let me know. I think if I tie it into the dissertation getting done, he'll definitely go for it.

Trannies Make the Olympics

The International Olympic Committee ruled that post-operative transsexuals can compete in the Olympics, provided a long set of criteria have been met. This is a really interesting issue-- and transsexuals have been trying to get people to recognize them as a group deserving of equal rights, instead of the butt of jokes, for many years. In grad school, one of my favorite books was Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein.

One of the issues brought up by the news story above was that women who were formerly men might have an advantage in a sports competition over "natural born" women. I hadn't thought of that one, and I wonder if it would be really a consideration at all. Do the hormones that transsexuals take to become female change their body chemistry enough that they would have corresponding changes in physical strength? Transsexuals are not men in drag-- they have significant changes in their bodies, and many of them looked very slight and petite for men in the first place (part of their reasons for changing is often that they feel they were born in the wrong body.)

This isn't intended as a jokey entry-- I'm actually sort of interested in how this will play out. Would team members know a woman used to be a man? Are there a bunch of transsexual athletes out there? Obviously, if the committee had to make a rule on it, there's at least one who has been agitating to compete. Do people with more expertise on the human body out there than me have opinions on this? Biology, folks? Seriously. Tell me what you think.



On a less serious note, later today I'm going to drop off all the film for events in the last month that I've promised to post pictures for. I'm going to get a "photo disc" for them since my scanner is also currently out of commission. So any good ones I'll post here soon. But I do have a ton of work to do this week-- I need to publish my women writers zine (my goddess of a Co-editor has been working an amazing amount to get us 30-something book reviews for this issue.) And this weekend I'm going to my niece's high school graduation in Mississippi. And at some point today, I need to figure out the code to put up the old comments system. I hate getting "anonymous" posts-- I want to KNOW my fans. :) So I'm going to be busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest today.

Let the butt kicking begin!!

Monday, May 17, 2004

Something Heroes Know

Riding off into the sunset sucks.

Seriously. Today, we left Shreveport at about 3:30 pm, driving almost due West for many hours. The sun beat down mercilessly (thank you cliche-fairy) and the puffs of cloud did not offer any respite from the bright light. And, driving into the sunset means that it lasts forever. I felt like I must be getting a sunburn through the safety glass-- and I know my "botox area" (the squinty wrinkles above my forehead) was etched ever more deeply (since I forgot my sunglasses-- situation normal for me).

Events of the weekend:
* saw a cute, "nutbrown bunny rabbit" eating clover happily, stretching in a way that I thought only cats did
* heard more news on the family "scandal front"-- both good & bad (the bad for one member being good for the rest of us in the long run)
* found that I can now do 70 pounds on the low row machine at the gym, without straining. Hello Big German Genes.
* wrote a few more pages on the dissertation-- probably crap, but then....
* found a really cool "pig lighter" whose "flames" shoot out the nostrils of its little pink face when you push on his red hat. You refill said pig lighter with his big petard area. It was too priceless to NOT buy.
* gasped "Holy Crap" as Andrew avoided what would have been a really bad icky poo accident just outside of Austin involving an 18 wheeler. Looked up from my reading (I read aloud to him as he drives-- we're halfway through bestseller brain candy (Angels & Demons) to see us pop deftly into the lane wherein the 18 wheeler was NOT skidding to a complete frucking stop right in front of us. Gosh I love that man o' mine. Q1
*Tituba was not completely thrilled, nor completely bummed out with the trip. She is now sniffing everything in the house to verify that noone touched it while she was gone. "Lighten up Francis." Q2
I'm sure I'll think of more things to add, eventually, but for now, that'll do, donkey. Q3

So for now...to bed. And more reading aloud till we're done with the book. It makes my voice sound like I've been drinking whisky and/or smoking.


Extra bonus points for the person who correctly identifies the three movie quotes (Q1 and Q2 and Q3) in previous post.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Final Post O' the Day

Oh, and we're going to Shreveport for Andrew's drill weekend this afternoon, so there will be several days of no posts (unless I can find a way to do so up there, but so far I haven't.) Tituba is coming with, so no worries there.

Also, when I get back, I plan to figure out how to make the old comment system work on the new template, again. It wasn't working, so I have been using the blogger-supplied one, but apparently it won't let you post except as anonymous if you aren't a blogger member-- which is super-mondo irritating. So I'm going back to Haloscan, but need time to fiddle with it.

Have a great weekend, beeyatches. (Disclaimer: Last sentence inspired by Snoop Dogg-- not meant as insult).

What Up Dawg?

Oh. And in case you're feeling a bit shizzy this morning, you can "Snoop Dog"-ize any website at the Shizzolater. (Via Feministe)

Writin', Readin', and Racin' Three Wheelers in the Mud

Two points today:
Point 1. Last night I had a dream that I was searching the mall I frequently dream about (it's a mythic mall-- with lots of floors, escalators and a giant food court-- I've dreamt about it in various ways since I was about 13) for a special blank journal book to write in. Generally when I dream about "the mall" it's a signal that I'm searching for something (duh) and usually it's something vague-- I'm shopping for a special outfit (formal) often, or sexy undergarments*. But this time I was looking for a pretty journal blank book because I wanted to write a journal.

I knew in the dream that I had this blog, but apparently in my dream I was also aware that I don't want to write everything in this public forum, and wanted to write about the things that I won't write about here. Of course, I wasn't finding the book that I wanted. I found one with a pretty cover but it had very small spaces for writing-- and I'm way too long winded for that. As soon as I woke up, I knew that if I really wanted this kind of thing I had to go to one of the big chain bookstores-- they have gorgeous blank books at those stores. But in real life, I've bought those kinds of books several times & hardly ever end up writing in them. I kept a journal pretty religiously back when I was a young college student/senior in high school. But since then, most of my writing has been formal academic stuff. Anyway.

The whole point is to think about my writing desires, my "flow" and purpose in writing down these comments for a slightly larger audience every day. Apparently, what I write does attract some folks who think I'm funny, or interesting, or whatever. I've had commenters say things like "Surely you already have a book published that I could read." Aside from the obvious support of Mom (hi Mom) and family & friends, there are complete strangers who tune in to see how I "turn a phrase" and/or what's happening in my life most days. Maybe many of them are still just wondering if I'll ever get my dissertation written (hey, that could be my superhero quest-- I'm ABD GIRL whose superpower is AVOIDANCE!!! And I can't wait to get the tights and go-go boots for my costume). But clearly, my subconscious has something to say about my writing. The stuff I really love is this semi-autobiographical, sometimes a bit confessional stuff here in the "blog." Why didn't I do my dissertation on that, dammit?! (Short answer: blogs weren't very popular yet back when I had to decide on the topic.)

Point 2:
and more fun. A week or so ago, I noticed this new song being promoted on Rhapsody. It was called "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson. I listened and thought-- "Yes. This is the next Shania Twain style "country girl power" anthem. Apparently I was right. Wilson is on CNN Headline news this morning; her song is "racing up the charts"; and yet, as far as I can tell, she still doesn't even have an album out yet. (You can hear the song if it's not playing on the website by forwarding the "CD Control at the top of the screen. You can also watch the video if you just log in. It's pretty cool; has Kid Rock & Tanya Tucker & Hank Williams Jr. in it).

Now, I am not exactly a "Redneck woman"*# but I grew up primarily in the South and I like the song a lot. It's fun, and it sings a positive empowering message about what is essentially the "low maintenance regular woman." I can get with that. And I say "Ya'll" all the time, and "I'm fixin' to eat breakfast." (The first you probably know, but if you're not from the South you may not understand what "I'm fixin'" means. It means "I'm preparing to" or "I'm getting ready to" or "I'm about to").

These two posts relate to each other in no way at all. If I were a better writer, I could think of some sort of clever tie-in between them, and you'd end this (rather long-winded) post-reading session with a smile at my wry clever humor in comparing two disparate things. But instead of that, I'm left here with my pajamas on, my reading glasses smudged, and my latte getting cold, at a loss for how to end this. So, then I'll just stop writing. After all, I'm fixin' to get some writing done on my dissertation.



*I use this old-fashioned way of describing it to try to head off creepy search term phrases.... we'll see if that works.

**Means "All But Dissertation"-- that and a phone card will get you a phone call. It sort of sounds like ADD, though. To which, in a way, it is quite similar.

*#I was born in Illinois, after all, and am not Southern by birth. I'm also not the "plain old country girl" who doesn't "sip champagne" that the song exalts. And, as an academic "ivory tower" dwelling intellectual, I've quite clearly attempted to move out of the trailer park. (but I did live in them most of my youth). But I married a Texan, and I can cook up real southern food and I think cowboys are sexy even when they're dirty & smelly. And I like grits. So-- an enigma wrapped in a mystery. And I think it's hilarious that spellchecker wants to change "Ya'll" to Yale. Snort. Chuckle. Bellylaugh.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Oh Mah Gawd Buffy

This is to die for. (Literally. If you eat too many).

Courtesty of Hegemony Rules:

The Krispy Kreme Sundae!!!

I consider it a challenge before the whole human race, and I aint gonna lose!

No doubt this entry is going to get me a bunch of strange hits on my statistics for search phrases that get to the site, but I just don't care. There's this commercial I saw this morning on TV where you see these men dancing around, doing little "victory dances" while Queen's "We are the Champions" plays. At first, you think, what, another Geico commercial? And then, it comes. (Sorry for the bad pun). It's a commercial about how if you buy a certain amount of prescriptions of Viagra, you get the next one free. They show the sort of rejoicing usually reserved for the ends of Great Wars or even a Dr. Pepper commercial. At the very end, there is a woman spinning happily with (presumably) her husband. (I don't know why I presume that; it could as easily be her next door neighbor-- I mean, there's even a Commandment about that one, therefore, precedent.)

Vive la phallogocentric media! (Yes. Very few people will get that joke. But whoa, it's really, really, really funny.)

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

News From the Front

I just added a guestmap! You know, one of those little things you can poke a "pin" into and say where you're from? It's way down on the bottom right in that little column, which I hope is showing up on everyone's browser. Sign in! Make me feel lurved.

Also, I just got a nasty chill down my spine (an icky, ew, scary, one). I was looking at the profile things that blogger folks have kindly installed and saw this picture of a guy that looks terribly like an ex-boyfriend. The name on the profile is not his. But it's sort of creepy. I never actually worried about that in the past, but what if he found my blog and posted something here? I have all these pictures of myself, and I don't look that different from when evil ex and I dated. It's not like someone could find where I am based on the info here, for a number of reasons. It would be difficult to find my phone number even; even with the full name which is readily available. But eep eek eepity! I have a big wonderful husband who would gladly bury ex-boyfriend in a large pit (and a friend with a house in the country and a shovel.)

But still. Maybe I will stop looking at profiles. But I find it fun to look at people who like the same books/movies/music that I do!

Bleah

I wonder how many blog entries I've titled bleah? I could look, but maybe I'll do it later. (procrastination being the key here.)

But it is the most appropriate title I can think of because today is a bleah day if ever there was one. It's rainy, and "weather bug" keeps flashing at me warning me of possible flooding. I worked out this morning, and had a good lunch. I haven't fixed the glitch that yesterday made my cute little "witchy women" border that used to be on the left not overlap text, so for now, we're plain vanilla. But now I need to get a little work done on the dissertation before Andrew's head pops off.

On other news, I have two (count them ladies and gents, two) relatives by marriage (in other words, they aren't blood relations, which makes me feel slightly better about it, but sad that blood relations married the wankers) who have very recently gotten into trouble with the law. One of them is in serious your-ass-is-going-to-be-growng-mushrooms-cause-they're-going-to-lock-it-away-in-a-dark-room-trouble, and the other is less serious but serious enough--he isn't in jail, but definitely needs (and has) an attorney.

I heard about the one who is in jail's issue when I called home on Mother's Day. What a fun conversation that was! Other things came up in the discussion which, on another day, would have make my blood pressure go up, but with the whole criminal activity thing, the things that would have bugged me about the rest of the conversation went fairly un-noticed (I didn't even remember to tell Andrew about the "smaller" things till today, in fact.)

It's all so very "Jerry Springer."

Then, this weekend, while at the lakehouse, I found this board game called Ghetto. No, it's NOT the Monopoly-based game causing all the controversy, although I think that based on what I saw with the game info, another company (if the one that created the 1969 version of the game) has a case for suing the guy in charge of Ghettopoly. As I said, it was put out in 1969, by a company called "Educational Games" or something like that. It's got a lot of interesting elements for a serious study on race relations-- I mean, it's got these profiles of people you "play" and cards like "hustler" and "work opportunity". The people in the game have various "rap sheets" and the scoring has something to do with 1. making money (any old way you can) and 2. staying out of jail. I was amazed that someone had bought the game, and I wonder if it was bought cause they thought it would be funny, or were aware of how bizarre the game was. But it really made me want to steal it, because one of the things I do is teach on race relations and minority literatures. And it would be an incredible find, research wise, to write about. So I may have to steal it. At least it fits the spirit of the game, right?

Somehow, this keeps running through my head:
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." --From Hamlet (I, v, 166-167)

Monday, May 10, 2004

I am Le Tired

So I should have a nap.

Later tonight I'm taking a CPR recertification course. So if you're planning to have a heart attack, wait till tomorrow.

I am obsessed with the new blogger profiles. I keep adding interests, and then looking at other people who share similar interests. I envision whole new worlds and communities forming here. And some of them are going to be creepy communities. But none of mine are. :)

70,044

That's how many words blogger says I've written in the last year(ish) that I've had the blog.

70,044

If that was my dissertation, I'd be done.

Heavy, depressed sigh.

New Stuff

Okay, the blogger folks have provided new templates that don't require nearly the amount of editing that I previously did to get the fine look we had before. But there do still seem to be a few little glitches-- some paragraph line spacing issues, and I think I may have lost my old comments system. But that's allright, since there weren't many days with lots of comments. Now I have the blogger comment system set up, so I won't have to pay someone else for it, which is all good. :)

So. Ch ch ch changes......

Something New

Hey, this is groovy. Blogger has put together a new bunch of options. My "profile" is located here.

And I think, inspired by Estella's new design frenzy & my desire to not have my tables on the right all disappear into nothingness if you're not using the correct browser (if you're saying, what table, what links, then you're not using the browser that lets you see them. Scroll waaaaaaaay down). I might change my template a bit too. We'll see.

The Day After the Day After

The trouble with a big giant party is that when it's over you have to clean up after it.* And at the lakehouse, one must be very particular in a way you don't have to be at home cause it's not your own place-- and one of the owners/Andrew's relatives will have a fit if it's not perfect. So I spent a bunch of yesterday cleaning up, changing sheets, scrubbing the three toilets, and then when we got home, Andrew invited his parents & Uncle to our place for dinner (which meant I had to clean up a bit here, too). It was a lovely grilled salmon, some really tasty asparagus and a pasta salad. AND TOO MANY glasses of wine for me, since I didn't really drink at the party --I had a raging headache so despite the presence of a margarita machine & therefore easy access to a favorite tasty beverage, I drank mostly water. So thanks to the inept logic of "if I didn't drink at the party, I ought to help hubby finish this entire giant bottle of red-wine"--this morning I have a hangover. It reminds me of that scene in School of Rock where it goes:
Jack Black's character: "I have a hangover, do you know what that means?"
Cute Kid: "It means you're drunk!"
JB's Character: (sarcastically) "NO. It means I was drunk YESTERDAY."
So I don't feel so good. And the cat is having fits cause I'm typing and not feeding her. So. That's about it for now. I am now going to stumble into the kitchen, make myself a latte with our new fancy shmancy espresso machine & feed the cat. Then I will sit on the couch and contemplate stupidity. (My own).

Maybe watch some "E" since they often have stupidity on there.

And, since this (liquor) is the theme of this post, I am putting in writing that this is the first day of my 6 weeks of detox diet plan. Which means NO liquor AT ALL for six weeks. Which I did last year, and first heard about Oprah Winfrey doing as a sort of workout bootcamp (I think for the Emmys or Oscars or something). Oprah apparently lost 30 pounds doing it. I lost about 15ish or maybe 20 doing it last year (it doesn't mean the alcohol is the only thing-- but it helps boost the metabolism a bit, and then you don't also do stupid things like eat an entire cheesecake while drinking). And exercising every day is the biggest reason for losing weight. So I'll hopefully get down to the fighting weight I was at earlier this year. Bleah.

And by overdoing it yesterday, it is TOTALLY a relief to contemplate not having anything to drink for that long. I don't, clearly, deserve the privilege if I'm such a doofus in drinking.



*And yes, big giant party was a blast...I'll post about it when I'm feeling less like a stupid hungover jerk.

Friday, May 07, 2004

Now for three days of Lakehouse Fun

Today we're going out to the house at Canyon Lake for a blow-out, no-holds-barred (what the hell does that mean?) anniversary/Andrew's birthday/Andrew's coming home/Ocho de Mayo/summer rocks before it goes to 100 degrees in the shade in Texas party. (I should say Par-tay). Many people will be coming. You're all invited. (If you're wise enough to the ways of google that you figure it out, you're welcome to come. But remember-- we do have firearms-- it's part of the party plan).*

What does this mean to you, my dear blogger fan public? Yes. Another two day absence from my witty witty ways. I know. Just give yourself a moment. You'll be okay. Maybe take a valium or something.

What does this mean for me? Well. Considering that:
  • we hired a band
  • we hired a margarita machine
  • we will have two (count them-- two) kegs of beer
  • we will feed the "tame" deer till they burst
  • the tame deer will probably be either vaguely disturbed by the lamb roasting on a spit (yes, the Greeks are coming) or line up with plates saying "hey-- is that Charlie? lemme have a little leg, please).

    It means a wild, wild weekend. Possibly with singing and marshmallows around the campfire later.

    I got up early this morning so that I could read all my favorite blogs, comment profusely in a couple of them, and then go shopping for "supplies." Un-named girl-friend is bringing condoms, so I guess I don't need to get any of those. (Whoa. That just made it sound like an entirely different type of party. No. I'm leaving it in there. But it's not actually "that kind of party." Especially since I assume the condoms are for her personal use and not mine. Well. This is just getting worse. I should really consider deleting this part. But no. Leaving it in there).

    So now, I leave to put in contacts and head to the grocery store. Should I wake up surprise one-day-only houseguest Keval and make him shop with me?

    And then, to give you something to think about, inspired by this post (sort of) (since blogger doesn't allow trackbacks, scroll down till you find the post called your ass is not a hovercraft).

    QUERY: If you have more than one bathroom in your house, is there one particular one where you "prefer to do your business?" Or do you use either indiscriminately, whichever is closer?

    Enquiring minds wanna know.


    *not really. but it has been part of previous parties. Liquor and ammo. What a way to say "I love you."

  • Thursday, May 06, 2004

    Want

    So much of writing is "I want." I want to convince you of the political injustice of the world, and my way to fix it. People always say "I want you"-- for sex, love, lust, life. We are like birds, singing in the trees-- the songs so mysterious to us but which bird watchers hear as "I want" or violent warning to others. In Dead Poet's Society, the teacher said the point of poetry was to "woo women." To be wooed. The women in that movie were very much objects to be won, to watch as the romantic poets beat their drums and posed like bright birds. But even with this "object" role, I wanted to be the teacher-- not the wooed, not the students. But that, my dears, is another kind of wooing. To teach, to woo.

    Again-- "I want." As I write my dissertation, academic, sometimes dry jargon and posing and lots of chest beating, it is another kind of "I want." And all the time, others are, like those birds being challenged in the nearby trees, beating out their wants, singing out their needs and desires. And my ear does not always do a great job of tuning OUT those insistent songs, those cries to be seen, heard. I too am attracted by bright red or azure feathers and lovely songs.

    But then again, maybe I just came down with a bad case of poetry. I hear it's going around.

    Wednesday, May 05, 2004

    Cinco de Mayo

    Oh. Yes. And you should drink a Margarita today. Cause it's Cinco De Mayo. Arrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiba!

    My Life: The Soundtrack*

    So if you were listing the songs that should make it on your "all time" soundtrack, what would they be, and why? Not just the songs you currently like/love/hate, but the ones that have meant something to you for a long time? Mine follow. In no particular order.

    Don't You Forget About Me: Simple Minds
    This song is important to me for so many reasons. Any time it comes on the radio, I must turn it up very loudly and sing it equally loudly. Funnily enough, I don't own a copy of it (something I ought to rectify). The reason I love this song is simple-- when I was a teen, for some reason, many people always said I looked like Molly Ringwald. (I don't think I did-- it was just that I had red hair and freckles). The first couple of times, it was sort of cool. But then when I got it for the millionth time, it was old. But it sort of led to a lifelong obsession I have with identifying "what celebrity the person I just met looks like". Which I once saw on Oprah as a good way to be a better eyewitness to a crime (what celebrity did the guy jacking your purse look most like?) But aside from the celebrity fixation, which is a sort of lame reason for liking a song, really, I just like the words. "I'll be along, dancing, you know it baby. Tell me your troubles and doubts".... etc. etc.

    The Ballad of Dorothy Parker: Prince
    I think I love this song for two reasons. One, it's a Prince song very few people know about and it's got a cool drum line. Two, it's about Dorothy Parker, who I think is one of the wittiest, funniest, most amazingly strong yet full of pain person I've ever read about. I did an interpretation of her short story "The Waltz" in high school dramatic interpretation. It (my performance) wasn't very good. But I still love the woman who wrote "one more drink and I'll be under the host" and this lovely poem:
    Razors pain you;
    Rivers are damp;
    Acids stain you;
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren't lawful;
    Nooses give;
    Gas smells awful;
    You might as well live.
    I have no idea if the song really refers to the real life Dorothy or someone else. But the Dorothy in Prince's song is very witty. So I choose to think there is a connection. And I love the line "whoever's calling, can't be as cute as you".

    Killer Queen: Queen
    I adore Queen. I really love it in Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett's book Good Omens when he says something like "all CD's, if left alone long enough, eventually turn into the Greatest Hits of Queen" and then hears things like Queen's Symphony Number Five & Mozart's "Another One Bites the Dust"... a hybrid of Beethoven & Freddie Mercury. This song has all the elements I adore-- the line about champagne, the drag queen inspired hand gestures I feel compelled to give while listening to it. How did anyone ever doubt Freddie Mercury's sexuality, back in the day? I don't get it. (My quoting of Gaiman is probably totally off. Read his book and you'll get it right).

    Wonderful Tonight: Eric Clapton
    This has got to be the all-time best romantic song in the world. And it is my hubby's & my "song". Mostly because he's always drinking more than me and needing to be taken home and put to bed. And he thinks I'm gorgeous at eight in the morning with sleep goo in the corners of my eyes and bad breath. He's a crazy, misguided man, but I love him.

    In Your Eyes: Peter Gabriel
    Duh! Cause in Say Anything, John Cusack holds up that boom box outside her window! I don't think it needs any more explanation than that, do you?

    Hot For Teacher: Van Halen
    When I was young, I used to tell men I was picking up that I wanted to be the teacher that students thought was hot. That they had fantasies about. When it actually seemed to happen (when a cute student, last semester I taught, gave me cow eyes all the time) it was actually sort of creepy & scary. But it was a good line back in the day.

    Add it Up & Kiss Off: Violent Femmes
    Lara Lowry & I, in high school, spent a lot of time in her cool car (a black Nissan 286 or something like that, which she wrecked during her senior and my junior year, with me in it, leaving me with lasting back pain).... memorizing these songs. And to this day, when either comes on played by a cover band at a bar I'm in, I cannot help but dance with that head banging motion that makes an old woman like me need a visit to the chiropractor the next day. And if you don't like it, you know what you can do. (Just kiss off into the air). Once, some teens who had invaded the bar/restaurant that we frequented and sang one of these (I think it was Kiss Off) really well, back when the neo-punk thing first started raising its ugly head, and they did a good job. Afterwards I told them they did well-- and the lead one said "Yeah, my mom really likes this kind of music." Little brat. I should have punched him. Now THAT'S punk.

    Superfreak: Rick James
    When I was a pre-teen, me and my friend who lived near the trailer park where I lived (I forget her name-- Michelle? Heather? Ashley? I can see her face, but her name escapes me) used to go up to the store to get snacks (for me, Dr. Pepper and those red Dolly Madison cake things) while carrying her big giant boom box (usually perched on her shoulder) listening to this song. We also liked 1984 by Van Halen, but Superfreak sticks better. I'm fairly certain the ideas in the song warped me forever, because I'd much rather be a Superfreak than a nice girl. And after looking up the link, I'm really embarrassed that I've been singing a lyric all wrong for many years. But I'm not telling you which one it is, nor what I sang wrong.

    I mean. Back in my day we didn't have the internet to look up song lyrics with. We had to play the song over and over and over again. And those singers really need to learn to enunciate.

    There are a lot more songs that could go on this list. But I think I'll make this a continuing thing and this'll just be a start.

    *idea via Feministe, and The Green Fairy

    Tuesday, May 04, 2004

    What are you gonna do with it?

    The phone rings. I answer "hello?"
    woman, sounding tentative: "um, how much is it for an infant?"
    "I think you have the wrong number."
    "this isn't treehouse learning center?"
    (thinking, if it were, wouldn't I have said that instead of hello?) nope.

    But what I really wanted to say was:

    The phone rings. I answer "hello?"
    woman, sounding tentative: "um, how much is it for an infant?"
    "how much are you willing to pay?

    Really. The answers are unlimited to that one. I keep thinking of more, and it just keeps gettin' funnier.

    Monday, May 03, 2004

    Monday Monday

    I have to get myself back into the better shape I was in around December-ish. I've been travelling so much lately that my gym attendance has fallen off a bit. Then, when I go to visit various former bridesmaids of mine, they are all tiny and I'm a big old horse. So today, aerobics with Claudia. Pretty good, although Monday for some reason (even if I work out, as I did, on Sunday) is the stiff, awkward, can't get this party started day. Bleah.

    And tomorrow is Andrew's birthday. It's a big one. We're having a big party this coming weekend, but I've got to think of something to give him tomorrow so that he doesn't get forgotten. (Besides that. You all and your naughtiness.)

    Otherwise, that's all I got. Oh. Except for the Shining, acted by bunnies and in 30 seconds. I'm not sure it's as good as the Exorcist. But it is BUNNIES!!!!!

    Sunday, May 02, 2004

    Prank?

    Today I checked my phone mail and had this obnoxious "song" sang "to Kim" by some guy with a guitar. It was about "fetish-y" insulting, disgusting sorts of behavior. I listened and thought, "who the heck would have sent this to me?" Then I noticed an unfamiliar number on my caller ID. So I called it, and there was the voice of the person who had sang the song. I didn't leave a message, but thought "hmmm."

    Then, later in the day, the same not so smart guy called my house again, demanding "did someone from this number call my number?!"

    I said, "well, actually, you called me first and sang a stupid song...." but that's as far as I got before he hung up.

    I can't figure it out completely. I suspect it was a "drunk prank" sort of thing where he just dialed random numbers and if he got a girl's voice on a voice mail, sang his stupid song with her name. This would explain why he didn't recognize my number on the call back.

    It's possible (but unlikely) that some disgruntled student who I gave a grade they thought they didn't deserve put a friend up to it. I do give students my home number. This person was not a name I recognized, nor a voice, but he did sound about college-age. And if someone got a bad grade in my class, it would explain the lack of logical ability to think through the whole "let's prank call this chick with a call from our own phone number, and totally blow off the idea of caller ID." (Cause, it's actually pretty easy to get a good grade in my class if you aren't a total idiot).

    But this was definitely not too bright.

    Dude. If I can get your number on my caller ID, guess what else I can get? It'll be really hard for you to commit said disgusting act from the song if my large husband comes over to your house and puts his foot in your ass.

    But it does make me realize that I guess the age of the prank call is over with caller ID. I'm not exactly sure that's a loss or a gain.

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