Je ne parle pas la Francais.... Y no comprende Espanol tambienGot it?

Is it just me, or when you hear people speaking in another language (round these parts it's usually Spanish) you think, automatically, that they're talking about you? I'm sure they're saying very mundane things: "OOH look, they've got the new Grisholm book" or "Hey, do you want to get a coffee drink and a scone?" But in my head they're saying "¡Mi mirada del dios en esa mujer! ¡Ella es enorme! ¿Ella quizás tragó una ballena?" "My God Look at that woman! She's huge! Did she perhaps swallow a whale?" or even Elle donnerait à Anna Nicole Smith par course pour son argent à vendre la Trim Spa en quelques semaines" "She would give Anna Nicole Smith a run for her money at selling Trim Spa in a few weeks"

Yes. Those are Babel Fish translations. I'm sure they suck; they usually do, especially at idiom. I know a teeny bit of French & Spanish, enough to recognize a word here and there and enough that when I was in Paris (ah, for a whole day!! TOOOO short!) I was able to talk with a French shopkeeper about myself. :) And when I've been in the midst of actually studying either language, I've been able to fix the bad Babel Fish translations. But for tonight, I won't even try to fix them. If you are multi-lingual, it'll just give you a giggle, I'm sure, at how I said those things above. And that, my dearest, would make my evening perfect. (Actually, eating an entire pint of Haagen Daaz Strawberry ice cream made my evening perfect. If a little guilt laden).

But anyway. The nice family of Spanish speakers who held the door open for me most likely were not saying "Wow, what a fatty". But being an ignorant 'Merican, who can say "I have a pencil" in several languages, I am always quite certain it is the worst possible thing. And when I get the now & then phone call wrong number here with someone speaking Spanish, my schoolgirl brain tries desperately to think of the right thing to say. Damn! it scurries "How the hell do you say Wrong Number in Spanish?" So I just end up pronouncing Sorry wrong number in very loud, precise English. And then, seconds later, remembering what I SHOULD have said, and feeling like a big dumb idiot.

Do people in other countries who hear us speaking English think the same? Nah. They can most likely understand more English than we do French or Spanish, and they know we're talking about banal things.

These are the things my brain gets up to when left alone. It's probably better you didn't know this about me but there it is, in writing, and too late to erase, and I've risked my carpal tunnel to type it all and am NOT deleting it.