To witch....

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Phishing schemes get me. I see them and I seriously want to go at them with my red grammar pen. People. People!! I know you're criminals, trying to get me to naively and stupidly give you my bank account info, or my credit card info. I know you'd like me to log into your little webpage and sign away my identity and all. I know it's urgent-- that my account may be suspended in 48 hours if I don't do something (even if I don't HAVE an account at the Bank of Oklahoma, I really should be concerned, cause you know, security breaches and all). Yadda yadda yadda. And in spite of the fact that your email never addresses me by name, never has any specific phone numbers or people to call because of this extremely urgent situation, I'm supposed to trust you. Oh, but I do. I'm just dying to have you help me out of this jam I've apparently gotten myself into, this unauthorized ATM transaction on my non-existent bank account. Oh please, save me!

Use a spell-checker, people. And/or grammar check. And/or just get into another line of work. If I wouldn't give my students an "A" on this document, do you really, really, REALLY think I'm going to sign away my credit card number to you? Please.

Well. Maybe I would if you COULD SPELL!!!!!! Or had a slight grasp of grammar concepts like the HOMONYM. "To witch?" To witch! This, apparently, is a special kind of bank account, for people who wear black, consort with fuzzy tailed black cats, and know where to find a good dose of powdered eye of newt.

Hey. Wait a sec. Maybe that does sort of apply to me.

I think of it sort of like the Renaissance trait, in plays/drama etc, of the "murder will out" theory. This is the belief that people who are evil-doers will just somehow incriminate themselves. They can't help it. They may not use it, but they have a conscience, and that little angel in white on the right shoulder (the devil would be on the left, by the way, the sinister left) makes them screw something up that, if you're paying attention, will give it away. I think psychology supports this in modern times too... it's why people like Ted Bundy, speeding along the Florida highway, are caught. If you didn't go above the speed limit, perhaps your killing spree could have continued, but you just couldn't help yourself, and you were busted. Evil is as evil does. You know. So if you read some of these phishing scams, you'll often see the "murder will out" moment in them. That's actually why I sometimes read, instead of deleting, them. I used to always forward them to the security department of whatever company was being phished with, but it's a sisyphean effort.

But still. To witch? Sigh. If you can't do fourth grade grammar, perhaps you ought to go into another line of business. Why not try grabbing old ladies' purses as they walk by? You don't have to know the difference between to which and to witch in that case. You just have to outrun the old bags as they scream for their black patent purse you've grabbed. You're probably more likely to get money that way. Of course, some of those old ladies might very well know the difference between to which and to witch, and might have some of that eye of newt handy.

And yet, some people apparently fall for this crap. It's enough to make a person give up on the criminal genius. And/or genius at all. But hey, it's all good-- at least they probably know who is going to win on The Apprentice!