Flowers

A friend's mother died, after a long illness, this week. Tomorrow I'll be going to her funeral, because I want to be there to support my friends.

I hate funerals-- I've been to three of them as a grown up, and of those, at two I was a total basket case, even though at one of them I didn't even know the person. The first was a patient of my mom's who died of AIDS and I figured I would be fine at it-- but the emotions of everyone else just infected me and I cried as though it were my best friend gone. The second was a relative of Andrew's who I didn't even know but again, there I was, tears like you haven't seen. I did go a year or so ago to a funeral where it was actually more interesting than sad-- I didn't know the lady, she was in her late 90s and had suffered Alzheimer's for years, so it was a blessing for her to go. That one had one of those southern Baptist country preachers who can say Jesus and have it be at least four syllables. That was fascinating, really.

I really hope that the combo of pregnant hormones and funeral emotions doesn't knock me on my butt tomorrow. I think I'll be okay, but I sure hope I don't get too upset. It would seem weird to people, I think, since I didn't even know the lady. My friend whose mom she was will be busy, I'm sure, and I'll probably hardly see her, but she'll know I'm there, and that's what is important. I'm also going to be support for the friend's best friend, who has to go and whose husband can't make it. So I mean to think of them, rather than any sadness.

I bought flowers for the funeral yesterday. If you've never bought flowers for a funeral, you would be amazed, as I was, how expensive they are! The arrangement that we (it ended up being a group of five people) picked out was very cool, but even split five ways, it's still going to cost us each about 20 bucks. There were some really interesting arrangements, the sort you always see on TV & in movies-- but boy howdy do you pay for them!

I have to say I do not want that sort of thing one day at my own funeral. I don't even think I want an official funeral. I DO want something like an Irish Wake where everyone has food, and drinks, and stands around talking about MY LIFE rather than regretting my death. I want there to be laughter instead of tears. I'd rather my family spent the money they would spend on an elaborate funeral on something else. My body, by then, will be all that's left-- my soul will be elsewhere, and there's no reason to spend thousands (maybe tens of thousands) of dollars on an empty shell.

Use it for the party. Drink beer. Eat good food. And remember all the times I would have been there to do the same.

And I want my flowers IN LIFE.