Doctors.. you know how they are....

Yesterday's anticipated sonogram did not happen. Apparently, my doctor scheduled my sonogram at a time when they don't do sonograms. And they figured it would be okay to not let me know this till my appointment. Casually saying "oh, we rescheduled that for your next visit" as I asked wasn't I supposed to?. So here I am naked, with a blank videotape in my purse and nothing interesting to record. (Just like my single days). The visit itself was uneventful, for the most part. I'm having, thus far and knock on wood, a very uneventful pregnancy. I hope that continues for a long time yet... nothing interesting ought to happen. (Sure baby kicks are interesting but not interesting.) So the sonogram will be in two weeks. I know you're dying to see more pictures of my internal workings and of the babies' cute little fetal positions. You'll just have to wait. :)

Is it just me, though, or does being in a doctor's office have a way of making you forget all those questions you had during the two weeks you were waiting to see the doctor again? Assertive, well-spoken me becomes happily unquestioning, in spite of my knowledge that sometimes there are questions I will ask. In spite of not at all being willing to be a "patient" but instead personally looking to insure the best health care I can get, by asking those "important questions." Which never seem to come up.

I wonder if they train doctors in that slightly harried, I'm too busy to chat vibe that makes anything you have to ask seem silly, and time-wasting? They combine it with a competing "I'll answer any question you have" expression on their face that still seems somewhat distracted-- you know they're thinking of the next waiting room, the next test ordered, and not really listening to you. I know, I know, doctors SAY you're supposed to ask them stuff. The books say "bring a list of questions you want to ask".... (but writing down every little question on a piece of paper seems sort of hypochondriac)... And books always say "find a doctor who you feel comfortable asking questions of who answers your questions in a way you feel satisfied with." But I've never met a doctor like that. I'm not completely convinced they exist. I think it's all a conspiracy, like the moon landing. Sure, there are doctors out there who take every second to answer your questions without you feeling hurried, or like the question is stupid. Yeah. And there was wind on the moon ruffling the flag.* :)

My questions actually weren't all that big. Some issues many pregnant women deal with (and you don't wanna know what they are, trust me). I am probably better informed than most people, thanks to my use of the internet and ability to even access the official hard-to-understand medical journals through the university, if I so choose (which I have, a little). And yes, the doctor did answer them. But I am always left feeling vaguely like there was something else I meant to ask about. What was that again? Hmmmmm. And usually, it can wait. I have three more months of baby-baking till they're fully cooked and ready to come out of the oven, anyway.

The funnier thing is that when someone calls me asking me if I have any questions (this nurse in the "family support" group at the base) I really just don't want to talk to her. I vaguely suspect her of being part of the same system that riddled my single-mother with odd questions when I was a child, and made ominous pronouncements about her ability to take care of her kids (I have an inherent distrust of certain kinds of social work-- sorry Niss. It was caused by an "innocent" comment I made in second grade about how we picked up soda bottles to return for the 5 cent deposit, to get money to buy food with.... it brought the family services folks down on our heads. But strangely enough, although presumably concerned about this lack of money, we didn't qualify for food stamps or any other assistance....). And I suspect that if I ask the wrong question, say it wrong, some flag in some system will pop up and wrongly think that I need even MORE help, in things that I don't need. Like I have to think hard to make sure to word my question carefully or else they will say "what do you really mean by that?" We took this questionnaire on which you had to answer things like "I feel safe in my home" (disagree---agree). And is it just me, or does everyone know how to answer those things the "right" way? (And honestly, my answers were the right ones, cause I am actually a very happy, lucky, safe and comfortable person.....)

Anyway. This is becoming an embarrassingly silly ramble. I should just nip it in the bud. Move back to working on the interminable dissertation work. Pffffhhhht! And again: Pffffhhhht!

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*For the record, I do believe we landed on the moon-- I'm just using that as an example of a conspiracy theory to gently mock myself here.