Can Vegetarians Eat Animal Crackers?

That was in one of those jokey "forwards" I got this morning. It seems a valid question.

I went to a doctor's appointment as part of the twin study I'm participating in; they needed to measure my cervix. So it was a hoot-- a "special" kind of sonogram where the technician really should buy you dinner first. And maybe flowers the next day. :)

But while I was sitting in the waiting room, I thought about waiting. This particular doctor's office was very nice-- the chairs were all quite comfy, and larger than lots of doctor's chairs-- cause, you know, pregnant women. There were four wood and brown leather rockers, and two sage green soft faux suede ones (I was in one of those, and it wiggled a bit when I went to waddle my way to an "upright" position). The room was decorated in soft quilts and dried flowers on one side and on the other side, this bizarre collection of statuettes of doctors arranged in a small well-lit china/display case. One of the statues showed a skinny woman lying with her head up on a table, the doctor looming over her holding a baby (newly delivered, I presume) by its feet. All the figures were very thin-- kind of folk art like, and painted in a whitewash sort of paint. It just seemed strange. There was also one of a clown/snowman doctor, holding an oxygen tank. Perhaps it's just my phobia of clowns, brought on by a youthful reading of Stephen King's IT,* but that just sorta creeped me out.

After sitting in the waiting room for a while, this group of three folks (baby mamma, baby daddy, and baby gramma) came in. They spread out over the room, almost as though they were trying to pretend they "weren't" together. Basically, you know how some people take up more space than others? These three did. They energetically rocked their rocking chairs, squeaky clunk. They didn't talk too much, and they were reasonably volumed, but then the baby gramma offered up, after a lengthy spell of digging in her purse, gum to her partners in rocking. They rustled the wrapper for a while then chewed, smacking noisily. The baby gramma (who was probably in her fifties-- not a white haired lady you could picture making cookies but someone you'd expect to see fingering fabric at a wholesale shop, asking if she could get half off cause a button was missing) at one point made happy moaning sounds. I tell you, that gum must have had crack in it or something. I don't think gum has actually ever made me moan in pleasure. It's gum. But maybe I just don't have the right sort of gum.

I was so happy when they left to go do their thing. I assume they were getting a sonogram, and everyone wanted to see young baby do its little hustle. But the waiting room quieted down after they left. So I was pretty content till I was called for my special "date." .....except for that clown/snowman doctor statue. It kept eyeballing me.

*And really. Who ISN'T a little creeped out by clowns?, even if you've never read that book to learn what their secret is. Remind me to tell you sometime about my friend J and I and the clowns and touch lamps.... it's a vewy scawy stowy. (that last is in Elmer Fudd speak.... you got it).