Trust, Strip Clubs, and Donut Shops

Oh, I really do trust my husband. The jealousy of yesterday's post-- just a tiny moment in a lot of days of not being jealous. I think Robotnik got it-- it was definitely meant as a flash of a moment of the kind of thinking that sometimes goes on "in yer head". But the reason so many women have these thoughts, myself included, is that there is a past there-- my first boyfriend, the evil ex, was completely untrustworthy, and sometimes that memory surfaces and tells me no man is trustworthy. I know better, but it's an old wound, an old scar, and it tingles now and then. (That's last sentence is a really funny moment, by the way, if you know who the evil ex is-- a bit of a pun. I won't share, but I know if J reads this, she'll laugh.) :)

There aren't interrogations, I'm not pouting and demanding an accounting of his days. If you have ever been a Navy wife, which I have, you can't live that way because the sailors go out, and they're gone for more than 6 months, and they're seeing pretty women on warm beaches in bikinis with no tops. If you don't trust your husband (or wife for that matter) to look but not touch, you're in for a wild, terrible time of it. One of the women in the "wives club" (which they don't call the knives club for nuthin') once went through the roof because someone had a picture that showed six or seven guys standing posed in Germany with one woman at the front of the picture. She was their tour guide, of sorts. And yes, she was a local girl who they met and she offered to "guide" them around town because she was interested in one of the guys-- but not the guy that was married, or mine, but one of the single guys in the picture. But the wife who went nuts of course assumed that chippy was there to steal all six of those guys. Cause that's what chippies do, ya know. Especially those foreign chippies.

Anyway, as for trust, there are a couple of funny stories I could tell. These are just silly things that happen that in themselves wouldn't prove trust. What proves trust is the day to day living of a happily married couple. But this is still funny (to me, at least.)

Once, when we were married about 3 years and I was working as a waitress (for about 4 months before grad school started, in the summer, cause there was nuthin' to do....thank the goddess those days are gone!) I came home and the hubby was going out with "the boys" for a bachelor party. Well, when you're a waitress, you always have about thirty or forty one dollar bills in your pocket, cause that's what most people tip with, and you also have to hold on to that cash in as singles for your "bank" the next day. So, after getting Andrew & "the boys" all a beer, which they were standing in the living room drinking, I asked him (quite unthinkingly) if he wanted some singles for the "gentlemen's club" I assumed they were going to head off to for the bachelor party. I mean, that's what a bachelor party is, right? (My bachelorette party involved a "Men are Pigs" night, a sign on a napkin that said "will dance for drinks" and later, an unfortunate amount of puking. Thanks to a clever little invention called the kamikaze. But I digress).

The other men almost swooned. They would have fallen on their knees and worshipped him as a god if they hadn't been so shocked. One of the guys later said "Dude, I had to lie to my wife about where I was going, and your wife first brings you a beer and then offers you money to tip with?" Andrew, as usual, just laughed and counted his personal blessings. I would hate to be the wife that had to be lied to, for whatever reason.

Well, the thing is, I know my hubby. I also know that the only thing women at a strip club like that (for the most part) are interested in is his money*. And he is a cheapskate (on some things). Yes, he'll tip a couple of bucks to get her to dance in front of them for a little while.** But he won't spend all that much money, and that's just it. So I don't have a problem with him looking at sexy chicks-- Hell, I like to look at a good set of knockers as much as that next guy. (Don't want to do anything with them, but I like to look! I'm pretty secure (especially nowadays) in my own knockers stacking up pretty nicely, so I don't need to worry whether he likes those other ones better than mine.)

Now, on telling the story, I don't know how you'll take it. Some people laugh uproariously-- because it's so funny to picture some wife giving her hubby cash for the stripper's g-string. But some people think it's horrible for me to not mind... one guy, one time, asked Andrew "how does Kim feel about you going to a place like that?"*** So many women have problems with strip clubs-- but mostly, it's a trust problem. They just don't trust their husbands. I do.

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*or, in this case, my money. :)

**lapdances, on the other hand, are verboten. He knows that, too, based on my horrified reaction to him telling me about another married guy we know getting one.... If she's touching, it's not allowed. I don't care if there IS a hairy bouncer named Julio over in the corner making sure he doesn't "touch back."

***never ask my smartass hubby a question like that.... he said "she likes being married to a real man." Just to be a wanker. While the other guys sat all night at a donut shop. Hell, there's more danger at a donut shop, in the long run, than at the strip club....have you seen how many calories is in a Krispy Kreme?!?! (Just going to look at that link makes me drooly).