White Vans

Have I ever mentioned my inherent distrust, no, hatred, of white vans? Especially the kinds without any windows other than the front ones. Even if they look like some sort of delivery truck, I just don't like them. I keep an eye on them when they're on the road behind me, lurking with sinister intent. I'm fairly certain they're evil. If there's a little other color on them (say, blue trim) I don't dislike them quite as much, but the purely white ones-- ah, don't turn your back on them. Even if they're old and getting a bit rusty about the edges-- they're still, at their heart, a white van.

I don't know exactly where my dislike of white vans comes from; it may be an incident that happened when I was about 20-ish. There was an uproar in my Florida area because of an incident involving a kidnapping and a white van. I won't detail it here cause in this semi-paranoid, semi-joking, semi-serious post, I think it sort of makes the experience from back then seem like I'm making fun of it. Which is not my intent-- that was a bad incident, and I am still saddened by it.

Here in Texas, it's hard sometimes to single out a small car. There are probably more SUVs (large ones) and trucks than anywhere else. I'd lay even money on it. But the white vans-- they appear on the horizon, looming and shimmering like an evil mirage. They lurk. They sneak up into your blind spot to startle you. And they blink knowing headlights at each other as they pass. It's not about people who drive white vans-- I'm sure there are perfectly innocent folks who, all unknowingly, drive a white van, unaware of the evil that surrounds them. They may feel a tingle of apprehension, but not realize it is the van.

Last night I saw one as I was driving home. I may be paranoid, here, but I'm fairly certain the cabal of white van evil knows I'm on to them. So I set down this record. Watch the white vans. At the risk of going all Mulder on you, I say be aware. One day, they may just rise up and take over.

(Yes, this post is meant to be sort of funny, sort of silly, but also, serious. I really really DON'T like white vans. They creep me out. This is as good an explanation as any to say why.)