One of the Hardest Things

I just finished eating breakfast, during which I always like to turn on the TV. Today, I found the episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy where they did up the apartment and planned the wedding for a military guy who was about to ship out to Iraq. Ray S. and his brand new wife Maria, and their little girl, were living in a place that was not a home, messy, no furniture, no real connection to the city. The guys went in a much more subdued bunch than they usually are. They were so cool-- there were far fewer of the wacky jokes they usually make about the sexiness of the guy-- (although he is pretty hot, that Ray) in deference to his military standing & the fact that it might not go over very well for him if it was too wild. They had a wonderful wedding for the couple at the end, and it was very emotional and sweet and sad. You could tell that the Fab Five really were touched by this family, and perhaps realized how there are millions of little families like that one who have to do this hard thing of leaving and being left. Even when it's for a short time, it's not easy-- but it's something that has to be done.

I sat on the couch in tears, thinking of all the goodbyes that military people sometimes have to make. I've seen them (and lived them) myself-- and it's always hard, no matter how many times you do it.

The thing people who have never served in the military miss sometimes is that no one who is in the military wants to leave their families, to go over to some foreign country into danger. It isn't what someone signs up for-- war. You sign up for peace, for protection of your family. Those of us left behind don't like it when our loved ones leave, but we love them so much that we understand their need to do this job. And they're good at the job-- who else would do it? My hubby is a peaceful person, a philosopher who, when we were dating, talked about how he had always thought it was a cool idea to backpack around the country with nothing-- very Henry David Thoreau-ish of him, I thought then, but now I know part of it is an independence and wish to be left to his thoughts sometimes. But he is also a strong man-- someone who will stand up for his convictions in the face of opposition that can be pretty fierce sometimes. He embodies the song, where there's a line "love my lady she's long and lean; You mess with her you see a man get mean" by Stevie Ray Vaughan.

What the Queer Eye really drove home, at least for me and I hope other people who see the show, is that no matter what you think of the situation where our troops are sent, no matter how badly it might reflect internationally or how well or not we might think it is going for the US, we have to always remember those families, those people who love someone who are waiting here. The ribbons that say "we support our troops" were partly designed to show that, but how does someone really "support" something if one fundamentally dislikes what they have to do? We live in a society that allows dissent, and that, my friends, is what the people who have to leave to live apart from those they love enough to protect with their lives are there to really protect.

I've been on my own with Andrew gone before-- there are easy parts to it, familiar parts to it, and I don't need my hand held 24/7. It seems this time, with me being pregnant, people are much more sensitive to me being alone, and that's okay. I don't really mind it. But Andrew is essentially more alone than I am, so if you know him, you should send him an e-mail and let him know you miss him. He reads the blog, sometimes too, so feel free to write him a note in the comments if you don't have his email address. I know he'll appreciate being thought of, and well wishes. And if you have the time and/or energy, see if there are other troops with less attention than my sweet baboo gets who need some friendly words. Mine will be home safe in 5 weeks. There are other folks who could use a pal. One service I've found which is not a singles-dating service disguised as a helpful military group is Books For Soldiers. You can send books, movies, CDs or just a letter.