Stubby Fingers & Toes

Legacies I have from my father include stubby chubby fingers and fat little feet. I call my feet "Fred Flintstone Feet" cause they look square like on the show-- I could stop a Flintstone car with my stubby feet. Often when I say this people get all sensitive "nnnoooo, they're not fat, they're fine" as though it will hurt my feet's feelings for them to be caught agreeing with me. Look. The feet are size 6 and a half long and an extra wide width. That means stubby fat feet. I am almost 5'8" and the feet are proportionally much shorter than most people my height-- I know this; I've worked in a shoe store. Most people my height are at least size 8s.

For my hands, I always envied my mom's long, lean fingers cause I also got Dad's stubby short fingers and hands. I used to be a serious nail biter-- so bad so that once I even got a big swollen infection in one cuticle and had to have it lanced. That was a riot. My bitten-to-the-quick fingernails made my hands look even stubbier. When Andrew & I got married, I got fake nails applied cause you have to have that picture of your hands clasped over the Bible, showing off the rings and the symbolism of "joined in marriage." The nails were pretty and I liked them a lot, but they made me prissy. On the rehearsal video, I am appalled at how I flounced around, flopping my hair and holding my hands with their long nails. It's embarrassing. I had to pull the fakes off as soon as possible cause I kept jamming the long nails in things like doors, and the pain was incredible.

About two years ago, in order to have nice nails for my best friend's wedding where I was going to be the goddess of honor, I decided to try to not bite my nails long enough to get fakes put on. Then, I managed to get them long enough to look nice without the fakes. Who knew? Now, I haven't really bitten my nails in that much time. Oh, I'd get loaded on margaritas and bite them all off every now and then cause when they'd snag and I was looped, I just didn't care. I'd been quite proud, for the most part, of my ability to quit biting my nails-- it seemed like a very grown up thing to do, to cold turkey quit such a bad habit.

With the prenatal vitamins and no getting looped on margaritas, my nails are now quite long and pretty strong. And here is, after all this time, the point of this blog post. I am torn between being a little annoyed with my long fingernails and happily in lust with my newly not-so-stubby looking fingers. They are seriously affecting my ability to type. I'm a pretty fast typist, can probably do something like 60 WPM when I'm really going. Normally. But with these fingernails, I keep typing wrong letters, hitting the H key over and over again looking for F. It's quite irritating.

Is the trade-off in vanity worth the extra backspaces and annoy8iing* little glitches? I am not yet convinced. Maybe I should go back to stubby bitten fingers.

*See what I mean? And I did not do that on purpose. I just didn't correct it that time since it seemed so serendipitous.

**And no, it's not a Pulitzer prize winning post. I have to do the last of my Christmas shopping today, so I'm not in the mood to think hard. Especially since I don't get to go have a gingerbread or peppermint latte or something to rest between stores. And if I hear that stupid Christmas bells song there might be serious consequences to the world. I may even pull out my supervillian costume & demand one billion dollars or the head of whoever wrote the song.

***I've commented on this before, but does anyone but me find it ironic that the blogger spell check does not have the word BLOG in it? I don't know. Maybe this is a sign of something.