My Own Political Career in a Nutshell

All this election hoo-ha reminded me last night of my own ill-advised forays into politics (of a sort). When I was in Jr. High, poor little girl from the wrong side of the tracks in a shithole tiny town in Louisiana (no, I’m not bitter) some strange idea possessed me that I should run for some office in the school’s Science Club. Apparently, and I don’t remember why, the Science Club was very popular at this school (although I don’t recall us ever doing any science). It was a terrible school– my history teacher pronounced Michigan “Mitch-i-gan” and we had a band teacher who was clinically insane (IMHO). I don’t actually remember what I ran for– I think it was Treasurer or something. I think I’ve probably blocked out some of the exact details in the horror of what was to follow.

Now, I did have friends at this school. A few of them were “popular kids” even though I may not have shared the popularity. (This is important detail for later).

I made cute little posters. My maiden name was Murphy, so I made some signs that said things like “Be Smurfy, Vote for Kim.....” (The Smurfs were VERY big back then). “Don’t be a Gargamel, Be A Smurf” and then the best one, on a lightbulb shaped poster “Don’t be dim, vote for Kim!”

There was a lot of “buzz.” Exit polls had me doing well. My posters were a hit with cute little Mike McWhatshisname. (Freckled and sweet faced, Mike was a Calvin-and-Hobbes type kid).

On the day of the election, the large group of science clubbers assembled in the cafeteria. When it came time for the vote, people were asked to stand up for the candidate they wanted. As I sat in front of the masses of people, some of whom were supposed to be my friends, no one stood up. Someone said something about me not even voting for myself, but it was mortifying to stand there all alone. I looked at my friends, and asked them later why they didn’t vote for me, and they said lame things like “Oh, really, I didn’t realize it was your turn”. The resounding silence in the room apparently confused those friends. Sigh. The reason? The few popular kids who were in the crowd (Kim was the name of one of them– and she ruled with a chiffon fist) stayed firmly planted, and all those minions followed her lead, apparently. So clearly, there was something there about elections not really being about fairness, or whatever the political science books would have us believe, but about popular kids, and what they tell us we “ought to do.” And the fear of going against the popular kids is strong, even when other things might need to come into play.

It was pretty miserable. I vowed to not ever do something like that again.

In college, people wanted me to run for President of the Honors Program. I really did NOT want to, but college was a totally different place– I was cute, not so obviously poor, apparently living on a good side of the tracks. In this election, I won hands down. There were no campaign signs (although I did have a reputation as being “that Alien chick” from a dramatic skit we had done...). The exit polls were right (for once).

It still didn’t completely make up for the experience in Jr. High.

I don’t think I’m going to be running for any major offices in the future. The memory of all those closed faces, looking at me, asking me why I thought it was even possible that anyone would go against “the popular kids’ votes” is just too much to get over.

Politics is Hell, people. Even with a catchy, Smurfy election campaign.