Ax Murderer Diet Plan

I'm a genius. I've figured it out for sure. Millions of folks are hoping and wishing that they could lose weight, and are struggling with the Atkins Diet, the Zone, Sugar Busters-- etc. What could really help us as a nation lose weight? Well. I have the answer to several social problems, all in one!

It costs the American taxpayer millions of dollars to house violent criminals in our prison system. Perhaps we could set up a plan where your basic ax murderer would be paid a small fee to come over and chase people around for a minimum of thirty minutes a day, people who want to burn more calories and thus lose weight (thirty minutes is the recommendation for daily aerobic activity). They could start off being the fairly out of shape ax murderers that you could easily outrun, and as your aerobic conditioning got better, you would graduate to a more fit ax murderer, giving you the intensity of workout that grows with you. They could also hang around and watch us during those weak moments when we are tempted to eat the entire gallon of ice cream in the fridge; if you eat the ice cream, they pull out the ax and chase you around. Weakened by too much cream and sugar and sweet tasty vanilla or chocolate, you would learn that too much ice cream IS hazardous to your health. No more cheating on diets!

The fear of immediate and terrible death would be a much more powerful motivator than the wishy-washy death "Someday" from preventable obesity-caused conditions. Sure, we all know that we ought to be more healthy. But what if being more fit was an actual way of surviving the crazed maniac carrying a sharpened machete, right here, right now? And those criminals that cost us so much money to house and feed and reform would be getting the fees that the diet industry is now raking in. They'd also have a new lease on life as a trained fitness professional.

What do you think-- can I get a diet book deal on this plan? Will the new combo of fitness and prison reform appeal to the government types that would implement such a plan? Getting tough on obesity at the same time we're decreasing taxpayer burden and reforming life-long criminals. I think my new plan should at least get me a few million dollars of advance sales.