Poor Velma?

Did you ever wonder if Velma got tired of being the smart girl, and just wanted to get lasik, or at least contact lenses? Or, if she really liked hiding behind her big, black, unattractive eyeglass frames while Daphne snagged all the cute guys? Because we all know what happens after the cute guys leave Daphne for some other girl and Daphne, Velma, Shaggy & Scooby have a long all-nighter with Haagen-Daz and brownies, talking about how they actually thought they might have seen Daphne's ex on America's Most Wanted. You know. To make her feel better about him dumping her for that waitress at Dairy Queen.

Maybe Velma secretly was a sexpot. I mean, you know what happens in the videos when the librarian in ugly glasses whips the glasses off, flops her hair around, Charlie's Angel's style, and goes after the cute young guy who's been in the library writing his Master's Thesis on, say, Slime Molds. Maybe Velma earned her way through college as a stripper at a tasteful "gentlemen's club". Or, perhaps she was a brainy college student by day, porn queen by night.

But, let me tell you. At night, after Velma took off her glasses, even after having to squint around desperately looking for those glasses after putting them down, cause she can't see to find the stupid things without them, and then settled down next to a good, thick book and a glass of Merlot, after a long day nabbing cleverly costumed criminals and having Fred take the credit for it all AGAIN, well. Let's just say Shaggy wasn't the only one who understood the value of a Peanut Butter and Jelly pizza topped with Scooby Snacks. But that still doesn't mean she wasn't a smoldering sexpot. Behind those dark frames may have lurked a woman who was undressing you with her eyes. I mean, how else did she know all those "ghosts" were really Mr. Jenkins from the real estate office? She knew, cause she had memorized every inch of his ruggedly handsome face and strong, gently calloused hands.