Snatch this poem from my hand

I just sent this email off as a response to a student who wanted me to critique his poem:

First. Keep your passion. Don't ever let ANYONE convince you that you aren't right and they are wrong. But at the same time, listen to the advice of people who have nothing to gain. Sometimes, it tells you something about the world. Most people won't speak honestly about poetry. I try to, because I get so many people writing un-interesting stuff to my website.

Okay. On the poem. I assume you're asking me cause you want to improve. You want to learn. You'll never learn if people are just nice to you. It's a nice poem. But do you want to be nice?


Love poetry is pretty well a popular format. I would say, honestly, that what you've written doesn't offer something new that I haven't heard before. To be brutally honest (you asked me to, so don't feel too abused, please, as a poet, I know you'll say "she sucks. Doesn't know what she's talking about." But listen a little.) How is your poem different from a Hallmark card? We don't want to aspire to be hallmark writers, generally. yes, they might make a lot of money, and if that's what you're going for, GO FOR IT. But if you're going for art, something that makes a mark on the world beyond the card someone reads and tosses in the garbage with the rest of the wrapping paper:


How can YOU change my perspective of the world? Make me think: Wow. I've NEVER seen it that way before. ???

The surrealist/modern painters imagined a view from multiple lenses. Imagine if you were looking at a naked woman walking down a staircase from a fly's eye? From more than a 3 d perspective? From maybe a 50 d perspective, where you could see every angle flat at once? How would it look? http://www.emory.edu/ENGLISH/Paintings&Poems/nude.jpg

Here's a poem about it: http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/1230.html
Look at art. Look at other people's poetry. Even if you hate their work, know it. Know how to change it.
How can you express the new and unique perspective of *yours* in writing?

Learn the rules TODAY. Then learn how to break them. http://www.poets.org/index.cfm


What is it you have to say that is new, or different about love? Most modern poets no longer try to force their poetry into a rhyme scheme,
preferring instead to use the lines as a way of emphasizing specific thoughts. You can "end" a line or begin one to start off a thought:

see: http://cj.colliertech.org/?menu_item_id=71 a poem by ee cummings
(which I suspect you'll like).
See how he plays with line endings? Read the poem out loud. Experiment with actually ENDING your voice when the line ends. See how it flows/and/or fails to FLOW? This is also an answer to your query on "how sexual innuendo works in academe". Only slyly.

How many folks do you think have imagined love as a game? Is that a fairly common idea? Could you, instead of starting off with this basic idea, instead imagine a specific type of game? Or perhaps love as something ELSE?


Poetry is really hard. I rarely write stuff I show to anyone else anymore, because I'm a bit of a cynic about my own work. But mostly, what modern audiences are interested in is something that makes you see it from a new angle, something we hadn't thought of before on our own.

Read this: http://projects.ups.edu/engl/203/cpfahl/padgett_nothing.htm
Then read this other interpretation of the same "poem." http://projects.ups.edu/engl/sp2001/203a/scockett/March%201.htm Then listen to it: http://sofasamosa.tripod.com/ this is read by the poet. Does something change for you in the REALLY bizarre, simplistic reading of a simple line by hearing it?

Finally, to write poetry, you MUST read lots of poetry. Discover for yourself where your style fits. What are you doing? Who are you like? How are you different from them?

Poetry is the bouillon of the world. It needs to be as POWERFUL as putting a literal chunk of chicken bouillon on your mouth. (Do it if you've never. Try veggie if you need vegetarian). That's poetry. Do it.

But finally, realize that I might be totally wrong. Do what you feel. If you feel it, it doesn't matter who loves it or anything. Write and you will learn.

Grasshopper.